Positive Discipline is based on the psychology of Alfred Adler and one of the key tenets of his belief system is the idea of horizontal relationships (as an expression of mutual respect). It dawned on me the other day that if parents "give" attention (and children "receive" it), that action creates a vertical relationship, one that is top down, with the parent at the top.
What verb would you use if you were talking about a connection between two people? I think I would say they "share" a connection. To me, that sounds horizontal. Both parties give; both parties receive; both parties benefit.
When two people share a connection, both are encouraged. When they are encouraged, they feel better, and when they feel better, they do better.
See if you can "give" your child connection. I bet you can't. But you can certainly share one with your child and stop giving her what is clearly second-best for both of you.